journal [yuggoth]

[perceptions]

PAGE ONE:

I have sold away my "soul."

It's strange to write that out when I don't know how much I believe in the concept of the "soul", but that's what I agreed to give away. The story of how it happened is basic. Since my boyfriend, Eric, was now dead, I didn't really have any reason to be living in his house anymore. It wouldn't be long before someone figured out what happened and I needed to leave the state to avoid complications. So I went there to just pick up my belongings, and make sure no trace of me was left behind. I even planned to do a huge clean of the house to wipe out any biological traces.

Before I could even plan on how to do all that, I met the Unclean. They were inside Eric's house when I got there, just sitting and looking directly toward the doorway. Back then I joked that they were waiting for me, but now I'm certain they were. I was offered a deal. They were looking for someone to participate in their ritual, who would act as a facilitator toward their needs. Apparently word of my, let's call it career, got around to them. I don't know what made me believe them, and I'm not exactly gullible in any sense, but something felt so wrong about the situation. Like they knew too much to be just some weirdo who broke into the house.

I decided to take them up on the offer, just to see what it was. They made it clear to me the cost would be my "soul", but that I would get something I wanted far more than anything.

That's what brings me to the purpose of this journal. Normally I don't record any of my deeds. It leaves evidence behind and anyone in my position would be a total idiot to do that. But that doesn't matter here. The police aren't coming. No one is going to save you. You are going to die here. That is why you were brought to Yuggoth.

If you want to know more about that, and about the jars, you can keep reading.

PAGE TWO:

The Heart Ripper. That's the name the media dubbed me after the third person I killed.

The reason I began killing is because I wanted to see what secrets the heart held. I never could feel emotions of my own, and I never understood people who did. Every day of my life I was a wolf among the sheep. I wore their wool, I made their sounds, I did what they did and I had to in order to blend in. If somebody found out something was wrong about me, society would cast me out. But it didn't feel satisfying to just pretend. I wanted to know why I was different.

My mother told me that emotions come from the heart. Happiness, sadness, hope and despair - all emotion came out of our hearts. I thought that was unfair. Why was the heart hidden behind our chests if it was the root of all our being? Why did my heart not function the way everyone else's did? Now mind you, this happened when I was 10 years old. I didn't know anything about human anatomy back then, and I had a habit of taking people literally. But at the same time, I don't think it's just a metaphor. Let me elaborate.

The first person I killed was a woman in her mid-30s. She had long brown hair, a pale complexion, and her heart made me feel things I never felt before as I held it in my hands. A rush of joy, sorrow and excitement all came over me in those moments. I wish I could have held onto it for longer, but it was a public park and I knew I could get caught if I lingered for too long.

Before she died, she asked that I never do something so horrible again. When I asked why, she told me because smiles looked better on me. It's a shame that I don't know how to smile in any way that isn't fake. Sometimes I catch myself doing it without me mentally commanding my muscles to move, but it's fleeting and goes away the second I realize it's there.

Ever since that kill, I've been searching for a heart that made me feel just as good. No one heart has captured the same magic for me... until I killed Eric. He was nothing to write home about, looks or personality, but his heart was magnificent. I knew something was different about him - I knew he was special. However after it was over, I felt a great sense of loss. Eric was gone and his heart harvested. I spent so much time with him, and I was beginning to miss his presence.

I don't think I really loved him until the moment I took his heart and saw the truth behind him. Now he's gone and I feel lonesome without him. Maybe the Unclean sensed that when they came to me. I wonder if someone's heart here can make me feel the way his did. Guess I'll need to see.

PAGE THREE

If you're reading this, it's only because I am dead. You caught me, executed me, or someone else knocked me off. It is what it is, right? I am satisfied with whatever outcome comes to me. I've been killing people for seventeen years, and I can't think of any place better to end my career than here. If this even is the end. Selling your soul has its perks. My body is gone, but I still live elsewhere. Now I'm a real Ghost, prowling your thoughts, memories and reminding you of the darkness you have been brought to feed.

Why did I do it? Take a look into the disposal room and you'll see. That is my reward.

Do you want to know why someone kills? There is no one reason, so don't bother speculating. I know why I've been killing people for so long, and I think my reasons aren't comprehensible to people who haven't lived the empty life I have. No one kills for absolutely no reason. We are taught that murder is wrong, so a reason must exist in some form for that sacred rule to be broken.

Who is going to kill next? Take a look in the mirror. No one here can say they don't have the capability to kill. It's not a matter of morals, but a matter of survival. A matter of our nature. And now that I'm dead, none of you are safe from your sins. The Ghost can't possess you anymore, and now any crime that happens can't be pinned on me. You have lost your claim to innocence with my death. Sad isn't it?

All I want is to be like you, but I couldn't tell any of you that. No one would agree with me. Now all that is left of me is this book and the memories I wrote within.

-Mira

PAGE FOUR

[Hana Song]
Age: 19

Heart: Warm and sweet. Watching her trial was the interesting experience I was hoping for. I've never been very good at imitating sad faces. Smiles are easy to fake, but genuine sadness takes real practice. Since Hana was lynched, I have been doing my best to practice the few times she was frowning or upset. Most times she was brave and smiled through, but there were cracks in it. I have committed those cracks to memory, and take the time every night before I sleep to mimic them. People were really upset about her death, and with her demise I have become the great villain of the game.

I want to keep playing that role to the fullest now.

[Jason Todd]
Age: 15

Heart: Strong and rebellious. Now I want to state that killing kids isn't my thing. Usually my targets are easy to isolate, and kids are always under some constant supervision. It's too risky for me to kill a child. I was given orders to ensure Hana and Jason both died, with one killed and the other lynched for that death. I chose Jason because of how society frames the death of children compared to adults. Still I must say, it was interesting watching him die. He reminded me of a stray cat who lived in my alleyway when I was a child. I killed it, as it clawed and tried to escape. Much like how no one came to save the cat, no one saved Jason despite his cries for help.

If Jason lived long enough, I think his heart would have developed into something more suited toward my taste. Ah well.

PAGE FIVE

[Hibiki Kohaku]
Age: 20

Heart: There's a lot of coolness to this heart. This boy was very strict and business-like in how he conducted himself. Yet there's something lethal to him that didn't come across on the surface. I'm almost glad he died honestly. To me, his heart in my hands, I sense someone who could have been very dangerous if he was alive right now. Thankfully there's no need to worry now. There's not much else I can say. My favorite hearts are those filled with warmth and feeling to them. Hibiki's lacked it.

Still I want to keep it. They never figured out who killed him in the end. It's satisfying to watch them fail and twist in frustration knowing so.

[Omega]
Age: 14

Heart: This one I like. It's very powerful and filled with energy, much like Omega herself. I don't really kill teenagers, since it's not really easy to find them isolated, but her heart would be the first to make me reconsider. From what I understand, the reason she died was in order to create a new limitation on my ability as the Ghost. I don't know how true that is, but it gave me a great idea that I never executed before. A new opportunity in fact. The next murder I commit will be a game. I want to challenge Omega and everyone else who wishes to find me. Last time the game was in favor. Now it will be on even ground.

I didn't want to frame Hana for Jason's death back when it happened. I would have been happy just killing Jason myself and letting Hana be. However, I had no choice in the matter. This time though? I'm going to make the choice all on my own. I can't wait to see what happens. Will I succeed? Will I fail? It doesn't matter in the end. Omega's heart is making me feel risky and aggressive. I like it.

PAGE SIX

[Vincent Machen]
Age: 35

Heart: Gentle and fatherly, but with a fire. Vincent struck me as more of a typical example of what people are like. Yet maybe that's what makes him interesting too. Holding his heart made me feel more grounded to where I came from. My world is so average and simple compared to the lives people here have had. For a moment, it felt easy to transport myself back home mentally and remember what it's like to be there. I'm glad Vincent gave me that opportunity. It felt like there was a mystery to uncover with him, but now I'll never know. That's the sad thing about this game. I don't usually get a chance to know my victims in-depth, but the chance to do so here is thrilling. Yet if I don't learn enough in time, I lose my chance all together.

[Kamui]
Age: 18

Heart: Not a big fan of this one. Kamui reminds me a lot of myself. He's cutthroat, whimsical and self-centered. People with hearts like his don't really interest me at all. The reason I collect hearts is to experience a warmth that I am incapable of feeling on my own. With Kamui, I don't get anything new or interesting out of holding him. Maybe I should just discard it somewhere? It would be pretty funny if they found a heart randomly lying around one day. I'd just have to put it somewhere that wouldn't be quickly noticeable. If I'm still alive it could come back to haunt me ("organ extraction" is annoyingly on my profile) but if I'm dead then it'll just be good to know I could scare the living shit out of them one more time.